9 hours

of sleep! 8:45 p.m. - 5:45 a.m. exactly! No middle of the night crying, no bathroom breaks, no interruptions. Last night was incredible peaceful bliss. I honestly dont recall the last time I got that much sleep (probably before I got pregnant with Tessa and Jacob). I woke up energized and happy - woo hoo! I also worked out at the gym last night (courtesy of a free guest pass from my awesome friend Janelle!). That may have added to the increase in energy. I think that is all I want to write today - just bragging about my great night of good, hard sleep!

Worth It

My heart feels like it breaks a little more every day because of my strong-willed, totally defiant, completely disrespectful, fun-loving, sweet as pie two year old, Caleb. I am almost in tears right now because Brian and I just dont know what to do anymore.

He is on the verge of out of control...and he is two!! He doesnt listen, talks back, throws everything, hits me, kicks me, demands things...the list really just goes on and on. The thing that is so incomprehensible is that Brian and I ARE parents who follow through. He is disciplined every time he does something that calls for it. (which happens too many times daily to count). He just doesnt care! How did this happen? I definitely did not sign up for this! I think when you decide to have a baby you are wrapped up in planning the pregnancy, setting up the nursery, baby showers, baby smiles & giggles, etc. - not the extreme behavior issues you will encounter when your perfect little sweetie turns two and therefore turns into a little monster.

This morning's routine was all the same and b/c Caleb didnt want to put on his shoes and socks, he proceeded to kick me in the stomach and tell me "no!" Well, after his poor attitude and behavior all weekend, I had had enough and spanked him harder than I have ever spanked him before. (This is why my heart breaks!) I dont want to spank my child, but without it, I dont believe he will ever correct his temperament or behavior. Here are a few incredibly intelligent sentences from Dr. Dobson's book, The Strong Willed Child. I own the book, but I need it memorized....

"When that nose-to-nose confrontation occurs between generations, it is extremely important for the adult to display confidence and decisiveness. The child has made it clear that he’s looking for a fight, and his parents would be wise not to disappoint him! Nothing is more destructive to parental leadership than for a mother or father to equivocate during that struggle. When parents consistently lose those battles, resorting to tears and screaming and other signs of frustration, some dramatic changes take place in the way they are seen by their children. Instead of being secure and confident leaders, they become spineless jellyfish who are unworthy of respect or allegiance."

Brian and I really like to explain things to Caleb in a semi-adult manner b/c he is so darn smart and we know he understands us. We tell him that God put mommy and daddy in charge of him and God is in charge of mommy and daddy. And when Caleb obeys mommy and daddy, he is obeying God - and that makes God smile. Caleb really has such a huge heart and I realize this is a season, a test and trial for me to grow as a mom and as a person. But sometimes I really feel like I just cant do it. I am being pushed to the max by a tiny little person who I love more than I could ever explain. Just like God's mercies are new every day with us, my mercies with Caleb are new every morning too! I need God's patience and love as I continue on this path of parenthood. So far it is getting harder, but as the cliche says "Nothing in life that is worth it, is easy." I really believe that.

Baby Boom!

Everybody's pregnant!

I swear, almost all of my friends are pregnant - Shannon, Tasha, Steph, Holleigh, Meghan, Mikki, (Carrie Fay, too!). Two of these fabulous woman are actually having twins! I am sure if I know you and you are not pregnant, you either just had a baby (including myself), are thinking about having a baby or are actively trying to have a baby! Heck, the economy sucks, gas prices are sky high and everyone's broke - it must be time to reproduce! I must have attended at least 10 baby showers, including my own, in the last 6 months alone!! CRAZY!! Gotta love our sweet miracles from heaven...

Speaking of babies, mine are getting so big!! It is already so hard to believe that just 4 and a half months ago they were only 5 pounds 10 ounces and 5 pounds 12 ounces, Tessa & Jacob, repectively. Here is a picture of the cuties from Memorial Day weekend at my Nana and Papas cabin in Show Low (where it was snowing!!)

Look at that coy, flirty smile on my "oh so innocent" daughter! What a heartbreaker - she already has her daddy and grandpa wrapped around her finger! :)

Grace for a 2 Year Old

I witnessed something yesterday, something that made my little mommy heart just break because I think for the very first time I was truly disappointed in my 2 and a half year old son. (And I think the level of sadness and disappointment is so strong because I myself am a sinner and have similarly done to others what I am about to tell you he did...)

We were at my sister's house yesterday for Father's Day and overall had a great time. Caleb was playing with his 5 year old cousin Bella pretty much the whole time and loving it. They are both strong-willed children with an innate tendency to lead, so watching and listening to them play is pretty funny when they both want to tell each other how it should be - Caleb usually concedes to Bella b/c she is the stronger leader being older, wiser (and the simple fact that he looks up to her). Anyway, for a moment last night I saw how much little ones can pick up on tones, moods and weaknesses. Bella was sitting on her knees on the floor b/c her dad was giving her instruction about something (I dont recall what). It wasnt really even discipline, just a "Bella, you need to listen about...such and such." In that moment, Caleb picked up on the fact that for once he wasnt receiving instruction, so in that moment when he felt strong (and she was vulnerable to her dad's tone), Caleb ran over and kicked her right in the head!

I was floored! The act was sinful and cruel - I saw it in his eyes and knew it in his spirit. Naturally, I talked to him, spanked him and made him apologize, but later I talked with Brian and really realized what had happened. Caleb (literally )kicked her while she was down, to build himself up! In his two year old mind, he felt on top of the world b/c he saw his cousin being talked to and had to show off his pride that he wasnt. Maybe I am over analyzing some playful fun between cousins, but I dont think so. We all have selfish desires and an instinct to place ourselves first above others and at two years old, that is what my son did. I cant say I am any different - (have I ever kicked someone in the head to build myself up?). No, but, I identify so well with the heart and mind Caleb took on in that moment.

Paul writes this in his letter to the Galatians: "So I say live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want....But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control....Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires." (verses 16-17, 22-24)

Thank you Lord for the cross and for your everlasting grace upon my life. Help me live by the fruits of the Spirit when mothering my kids and living my life.

Fevers are no fun!

I am thanking God today for lifting the fever from my sweet baby, Jacob. He ran one beginning Tuesday afternoon up until the middle of the night (Friday morning). I knew it was gone in the middle of the night b/c Tessa always wakes up between 2 - 4 a.m. to nurse and when I went into get her, Jacob was fast asleep and cool to the touch. This is the first fever between the two of them, so I feel blessed. Not sure what the bugger was trying to fight off, but hopefully its gone -although I am sure he wasnt disappointed with the grape flavored Tylenol he received every 4-6 hours! He is back to his happy self...

We have a pretty busy weekend planned and although the busyness doesnt usually allow for much needed housework and laundry to be done, I really like a full calendar. It is especially good for Caleb who always needs to be occupied!! Tonight we have the Diamondbacks game, tomorrow is Caleb's class at the Little Gym (which he loves), tomorrow night I am working a table at church and Sunday is a Happy Father's Day to be the best daddy in the world! We have a really cool car show at church and than we are headed to my sisters house for swimming and pizza. Should be eventful and fun :)

We Just Cant Have Nice Things!

My husband and I say this to each other in a funny Texan accent every time our independent, and not-so-careful two year old destroys something of value in our house. Granted, he's two, but it just seems like more often than not, we are having to replace, revamp or simply get rid of something we once loved. This morning was no exception.

My husband Brian is totally into making fresh fruit smoothies every morning and therefore Caleb "needs" some too. So every morning, Daddy makes him a special cup of that morning's fruit flavor surprise. Well, you can see where this is going already...I had to take the top off his sippy cup this morning b/c Caleb told me "not workin' Mommy" (his way of saying the smoothie was too thick to come out). So, against my better judgement, I took the top off and told him to be extra careful as I watched his every move. A few minutes later I got up to pee and soon heard this screech coming from the living room. Caleb is totally destroyed, sitting next to his pile of fresh fruit smoothie all over my beautiful living room rug, saying "I pill, Mommy!" Yup - you sure did! I suppose it is my fault for letting him have the drink in the living room in the first place, but he cant see Finding Nemo or Cars from the kitchen table and those movies are my only sanity so I can at least take a shower every morning. "We just cant have nice things!" I swear we should buy stock in carpet cleaner!

I digress to the Bachelorette. So I totally have my hubby hooked! Now that American Idol and LOST are over for the season, this is something I can look forward to on Monday nights. So far we are loving the show and have our favorites for who she will choose (Graham or Jason), who is a total dork (Twilly) and who is way too pretentious (Jeremy). Gosh, when did I become such a TV junkie? I guess with three kids under the age of three we spend most nights at home. With summer beginning to pour over us I dont see that changing anytime soon. Ah, well...

First Day

Okay, so I am trying out this blogging thing, considering it is "all the rage" these days! Although at church yesterday I saw a tween walk by with a shirt that said "Nobody cares about your blog." Funny, I laughed!

I figure with three kids under the age of three, a full time job, and being a full time wife, I have a lot to download every day. (I hope the next time I visit this is not 6 months from now when I am having an emotional moment b/c its Christmas time). We'll see...