Inadequate at Best

I would say I am a generally happy person - I am filled with the Holy Spirit and have the joy of the Lord! But becoming a mommy to three little people has simply happened to me (and happened fast!). I no longer live only for the responsibility of only me, but I have three little hearts who depend solely on Brian and me to give them nourishment, time and love. Three little mouths to feed, three little bottoms to clothe, three sets of hands to wash and three little (big) temperaments to calm and restore on a daily basis.

It can really get the best of me - and sad to say, it usually does. I so desire to be this "supermom" - to have time AND energy for everything, but when I look at the messy kitchen floor or the piles of dirty laundry or Caleb whining for his sippy cup of chocolate soy milk or the twins screaming for yet one more thing that they have to scream for b/c they cant talk - I just lose it! I am not even close to a supermom - I am inadequate at best. I have never been to known to have a temper, but I find myself yelling at Caleb more than ever, raising my voice to Tessa and Jacob, desiring an answer as to why they are crying this time! And all for what? What does that solve - where does that get me? It only upsets the three tiny little hearts I give nourishment, time and love to. I need so much help in the area of patience.

I hate that my break for the day is work, but it is. I miss my kids and hubby all day, but when the late afternoon comes and we all get home, all hell breaks loose b/c someone needs attention, someone needs a bottle, everyone is hungry, someone needs to pick up, a phone call needs to be made, someone needs a snack, etc. I have this ideal of what I want my day to look like when I get home from work, but it never quite translates correctly!

I guess this is what life is all about and you take those special moments and cherish them b/c one day I suppose I will miss the demands of little hands, when they are no longer under my roof. When I can no longer feed their mouths or clothe their bottoms or wash their hands or calm their tempers. Thank you Lord for this season in my life - the season when you have made me a mommy. Thank for you the moments when I feel inadequate - I know then that I need your strength, peace and patience to push me along.